She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
