Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
