Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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