it was like eating out sand paper
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
