The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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