Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
