i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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