I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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