ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
