I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
