Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
