I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
