I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
