The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
