I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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