are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
