i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
