it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize