She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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