I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just high enough for therapy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
