dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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