we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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