Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
