woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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