I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
