I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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