And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
