Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
