i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
