i would punch a child for taco bell
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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