she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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