I have demons in me.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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