i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I love you. Go after that dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
