I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
