she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
