I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
