you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
