OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Drunk is not a location!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
