I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
