Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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