we're blogging at a bar
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
