I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize