I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the liver wants what the liver wants
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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