no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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