So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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