I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
