My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
