Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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