Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
