I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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