There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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