just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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