You can't special order awesome
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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