im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
