oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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