Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
