Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
