i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
