I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
