I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
