I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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