First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
