Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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