he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize