dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize