Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
