For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
