I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize